She said her name was "party"
Life is so much better after having sex.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
