Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
