He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
