I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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