dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
When did angry sex become our thing?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
