and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
