Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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