Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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