did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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