my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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