He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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