i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
