I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
