I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
you never un-have a 4some
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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