Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
