the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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