Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
