Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
