Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
