i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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