Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My liver just had a heart attack.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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