I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
