theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
