It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
