everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
