I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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