He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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