i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize