Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
