I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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