I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
