I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
not ubering you a puppy
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
