Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
