I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize