dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dick very happy bro
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