my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
