She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize