My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
