she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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