you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
