so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
