That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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