Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
