lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
