I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
