There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
