I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
