I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
