omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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