I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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