And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize