I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
