i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
