Can i not drive my cunt home
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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