You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
