How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
