You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
