Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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