I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
