dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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