Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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