we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize