Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
