i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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