Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
