I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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