when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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