She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
