if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
