They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
