no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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