can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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