Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize