My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Need sex. Gaining weight.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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