Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
