I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
