hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
