I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
