yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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