Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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