Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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