just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
