Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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