Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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